Cut & Paste from the current volume of the Weekiat bible.
Will be updated in a few days, kthnxbye.
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Disclaimer
…because when you see that your religion’s script comes with a disclaimer, you know you’ve joined the right religion.
Thou shall beseech that this bible of Weekiat is by no means holy, nor divine. It is merely a miscellaneous, uncoloured script of how thy philosophy-cum-religion, Weekiatism came about.
In short, this book teaches all faithful Weekiaters how Weekiatism came about. It is essential that all of you Weekiaters know this, so pay attention. Firstly, many Weekaiters would want to know how Weekiatism was even started, and how the whole world came to know about it. Therefore, this book will tell you how, and show you the ways of the Weekiat.
(But this paragraph is longer than the two of them combined together! Zomgwtf.)
Chapter 1
It was a dark and stormy night, when [name] was walking down a lonely street. The tranquility of the night was only broken by the echoes of his footsteps. However, as he was strolling through this alien road, he spotted a statue. This was no ordinary statue, however. It was coated with a golden, as-of-yet- unidentified substance, and beaming with radiance. To top it off, the 5 foot tall structure, modeled after some unknown person, was smiling. Our main antagonist [name]then spotted the words “Weekiat” on the chest of this statue. Intrigued by his utter curiosity, he attempted to lift statue up, shocking himself even more by the fact that the statue was light, despite its burly build. He turned it around to see a somewhat curved protrusion sticking out of the statue’s rear. He assumed that it was a ‘’really tiny butt’’. Of course, it had a butt hole. And on top of the butt hole, a sign erotically pointing towards it bore the words “Lick me or get raped”. So [name], who due to some incident in his Mum’s womb, had a phobia of rapists, licked the butt hole.
On the spur of the moment, [name] realised his potentially fatal mistake. Sodomy, performed with a tongue instead, was disgusting. And doing it a statue, was, well, grotesque. While he was lost in his flow of regret, he unknowingly merged with the Weekiat statue though some unknown polarity. The result was the two emerging as one entity.
The day after, while he was walking on the very same street, in a desperate attempt to find his way home, people stared at his amazingly tiny butt. Some, who could not resist themselves, slapped it, and at once, their hand turned into gold. It was apparent that he possessed a trait of Midas. The butt of Midas, to be specific.
Weekiat, who figured out that he was now very much an incarnate of god, forsaked his past, in a bid to start a new religion. The people who were awestruck by their now literally golden hands became his followers in hope of being able to enjoy more of his butt. Within an instant, Weekiat, using his now amazing mental agility, started Weekiatism. Almost the whole world, if not the whole world, was already worshipping him. Though to what extent depended on the individual. Some did prayers, some chanted religious scripts crafted by themselves, and some even offered their butts in a monthly ritual known as ‘nenstruation’.
Seeing the chaos of diversity, he swore on himself that he would restore the peace, and resolve all conflicts on how people should worship him, by standardisation.
He taught his followers, whom he called Weekiaters, that the way of which a Weekiater should lead his or her life was to follow the way of the “Three Noble Fuck Holes”. Each fuck hole represented a value. There were three values: to steal, to rape and to kill respectively. From then onwards, Weekiaters from all over the world followed the aforementioned “Three Noble Fuck Holes” letting all three fuck holes influence their life. More enthusiastic Weekiaters even started raping people of the same gender. However in the following months, Weekiat received intelligence that out there, some renegades and outcasts in the world were ignorant of Weekiatism, In his almost never-ending quest of standardization, Weekiat appointed missionaries, bestowed the title of Weekiatists, to travel to those places to spread Weekiatism. Soon, the whole world had knew of his efforts to spread his newfound religion, and converted to Weekiatism.
For the next 9875492043975649684 centuries, people loved Weekiatism, and above all, the founder’s ‘’really tiny butt’’.
Chapter 2
Although Weekiat was proud of his own religion, he felt that he had sacrificed way too much for his people, even as the leader of his religion. The repeated punishment his golden, but tiny butt took was soon too overwhelming for him. He had restrained butt-slapping activities to gain a respite from his reprisal. During this quarantine, he found out that there was a spiritual link between his minute butt and his golden,still-unidentified-after-9875492043975649684-centuries-substance. Though the details were not elaborate, not even to himself. Slowly, after many centuries, he soon found out that his golden aura was gone. He was now no more that a tiny butt boy; his butt had grown by half an inch.
After a million centuries of thinking, he established a new rule of Weekiatism: all Weekiaters had to slap his butt at least 5 times a day. This theory came about when he figured out that his butt had to be small in ordered for his golden powers to come back. The more people who slapped his butt, the more it would sink in, thus allowing the butt to shrink in size. However, it would take over a hundred billion centuries, as his butt already grew 10 inches, not forgetting the pain that he’d have to endure everyday.
However, the reasoning of why Weekiaters should slap Weekiat’s butt soon faded and they quitted Weekiatism for Waikitism, a religion based on a god who had gigantic nipples.
Weekiat was obviously disgusted by the followers who quit. Not wanting to disappoint himself in the long run, he created an exam that all Weekiaters had to take. It was known as the “Penitent Act Evasion, ‘Don’t Oppose People However Idiotic or Lame’ Exam”, or ‘PAEDOPHILE’ in short. This tested how loyal his Weekiaters were, and the objective of this examination was to pick the most loyal Weekiater. The first, and only question in the PAEDOPHILE was, ‘how many bottles can you shove up the Weekiat’s ass?’
The tallied results came in a few hours after the test, and it was known that the most loyal Weekiater was a student by the name of ‘Shaun’. He was the solitary Weekiater who knew that shit in the Weekiats butt was acidic and would burn anything other than shit away. Therefore, you could shove as many bottles up the Weekiats butt as you liked, though the fact that none of the bottles would be in his butt remained.
Weekiat then appointed Shaun as the one and only Chief Weekiat, who managed affairs that the Weekiat was too busy to handle. Holding the position of The Chief Weekiat also meant that he had the privilege of being able to slap the Weekiat’s butt as many times as he liked.
However, the Chief Weekiater Shaun a mission fraught with countless danger the moment he had received his post: To brainwash all Waikiters of the Waikit teachings and teach them the holy and butty ways of the Weekiaters. If not for the fact that Weekiat was too busy getting his butt slapped, he would’ve went himself. But alas, as Chief Weekiater Shaun Goh predicted that he wouldn’t be returning for probably a millennia or two, he spent the next century slapping Weekiats butt continuously, without a break before finally embarking on his holy adventure.
For the next 10 or so centuries, Shaun traveled far and wide in search of Waikiters, and in order to learn the ways of the Waikiters, he socialised with them. He then found out that Waikiters licked the Waikit’s butt as a method of worship. This was because Waikit, too, had a power in accordance to a golden radiance; he could shoot gold out of his nipples, but that could only take place when his nipples were tiny. Over the past centuries, having shot billions of ounces of gold out of those tiny nipple holes, Waikit’s nipples had enlarged due to the fact that his nipple holes kept stretching. But he had followed Weekiat’s wisdom; each and every Waikiter had to lick his butt at least 5 times per day. The cooling sensation was akin to orgasm, which relaxed, while at the same time, excited him. This helped him in shrinking his nipples down to size.
However, after 4 centuries of adaptation, Shaun initiated on his mission; he spread the teachings of Weekiatism, and all the Waikits were convinced to be Weekiaters, save for Waikit himself. In retaliation, Waikit sent Waikititers(Waikiter soldiers that force people to eat their poisoned nipples) to annihilate Weekiater-turned-Waikiters and, of course, Shaun himself.
Shaun then spent the next few centuries escaping the Waikiititers. Running about the continent in circles wasn’t as fruitless as he would have thought of it at first. During the course of the wild goose chase, Shaun managed round up most of his newly recruited Weekiaters. The rest of them had nobly volunteered to distract the Waikititers while the former group escaped. Upon their return, Weekiat granted Shaun a 10 century break, along with even more priority of smacking his very own butt. However, the cunning Waikit had traced out the Weekiat hideout, and a war broke out.
Chapter 3
Weekiat and Waikit began dueling to their deaths. However, only two people were really involved in the calamity as Weekiaters were too busy slapping Weekiat’s butt for support and the same for Waikit. Both Weekiat and Waikit unleashed their most potent weapons; their butts and nipples respectively. Owing to the lust for bloodshed on each of the religion leaders’ part, many Weekiaters and Waikiters lost hands and tongues, since they were in the process of worshipping the two gods while they ruptured each other. For the next few days, Weekiat and Waikit fought, until that faithful hour when Weekiat remember about the acidic shit that his Chief Weekiater mentioned; he fired it at Waikit’s nipple with precise accuracy, leading to no less than having the latter’s nipples explode violently, scattering heaps of gold in random directions.
The lost of Waikit’s nipples was the eclipse of Waikitism itself. The very religion lost what it revolved around; nipples to worship. Hence, by default, all the remaining Waikiters converted to Weekiatism, along with Waikit himself.
Chapter 4
By the 21st century, the entire Earth was inhabited by Weekiaters. Even the flora and fauna was not spared from Weekiatism. Every living thing, big or small, had to smack Weekiat’s butt. However, after all the years of torment, Weekiat’s butt only shrinked by roughly an inch. Weekiat’s main goal of achieving his small butt once more still perseveres, and that is why up till today, Weekiatism carries on.
Important Facts Of Weekiatism
1. Weekiatism was the only religion other that Waikitism that had a living god.
2. Weekiatism taught the “Three Noble Fuck Holes”, which represented values of raping, stealing and killing.
3. Weekiat butt slapping is a very important factor of Weekiatism.
4. The 1st fact is the only fact that took more than one line.
5. Yes, Weekiat is currently 5 feet tall.
6. Hi.
7. This book was made in 1 day.
8. Weekiat is cool.
9. ZOMG 9TH FACT.
10. Wait, there’re 10 facts?
SO WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? JOIN US, AND HELP FUFILL WEEKIAT’S DREAM OF RESTORING HIS BUTT TO ITS FORMER GRANDEUR.
Written by: SG, Chief Weekiater, Weekiater and Weekiatist.
Edited by : KSM, fellow Weekiater.
*I'm protecting the realy identity of our very own god. It's evil to have his REAL name slapped all over the interweb just because we deem it as fun. I have a conscience, okay? Lul.